How to Change Your Life
Is there an area of your life that you just can’t seem to figure out? Does it seem like things aren’t moving forward the way you want them to? Do you have a tough time getting started once you have made your mind up? So many of us have dreams, desires, and goals but find ourselves putting off the very thing that we know will move us forward.
Maybe its your relationships. You want to make improvements and create more connection. But you find yourself settling back into the same old patterns and arguments.
Or it’s your finances. You have a goal to increase your income or your net worth but find yourself late night online shopping or avoiding sending out your resume.
It might be the goals you set. You have the best of intentions to exercise, or start that business, or organize your closets. But you find yourself procrastinating, not following through, and even quitting.
Some days you make progress, but it seems like you always revert to the same old, same old. You spend endless time thinking about the problem but don’t manage to solve it. Eventually you believe you never will.
Here’s what I want to tell you:
You can create or change anything.
I know, I know, this sounds like a I’m giving you empty positive words here, but it’s true. Whether you dream of a better relationship, a new career, to improve your health, to make new friends, or to generate more money… anything you want is possible. You can create or change anything – in any area of your life. It’s not too late. You aren’t too young, too old, too busy, or too confused.
But first you have to know this…
Your brain LOVES to keep things the same.
When we try to make changes, our brain freaks out a little (or a lot!). The main job of the brain is to keep us safe and comfortable, to avoid pain and to do so using as little effort as possible. Change goes against this evolutionary standard. It’s uncomfortable because it requires a rewire of our brain – how we think, feel, and act.
What that means is that if you want to change something in your life – if you want to create a different result – you must change your brain and the thoughts that you think.
The best news ever is that changing your thoughts is not as difficult as you might think.
The field of neuroscience has revealed that the brain has something called “neuroplasticity” – which means that the brain is able to change and shift over time. This does take effort and practice, but – you just need to learn how to use your brain to work for you and not against you.
So, if you are feeling stuck or unsure how to move forward, give yourself some grace.
It’s normal. It’s natural. It’s just the human brain at work.
And in this article, we’re going to explore the reasons why we have such a hard time changing, what keeps most of us from getting the results we want, and most importantly, what to focus on when you want to shift the direction of your life.
Roadblock #1: Focusing on What we Don’t want
What you focus on grows. It magnifies. It multiplies.
Pay attention to where you are focusing your attention. When you are paying attention to something, you are directing energy towards it.
If you notice everything that is wrong with your life, body, relationship, bank account, or job, you will unintentionally create more of it. When you’re consumed with thoughts like “I am so tired of being lonely, broke, overweight, or miserable,” you will invite more of it into your life without even meaning to.
Your brain wants to be correct. And it does so by filtering out all the things that are irrelevant, or don’t support your belief. You will always eventually prove yourself right.
Try this instead: DECIDE WHAT YOU DO WANT
It is so important to DECIDE what you want. Of course, action is important, but in order to make a change, you first need to know what it is that you want to create. Many people have a very hard time answering what it is that they want and will instinctively say “I don’t know.”
How about you? What comes to mind when I ask you what you want in life? If you find yourself unsure, I want to you play with the idea that maybe you actually do know. I think that everyone does know what they want. Maybe it’s deep down and suppressed. You’re afraid to admit it. Or you want to keep your dreams safely stored away to avoid disappointment and to protect yourself. Maybe fear is holding you back from dreaming.
If this is you, answering these questions can help you get clear on what it is that you really want:
What if I did know what I wanted? What would it be? What do I deeply want? What would I love to see myself achieve or do this year?
You cannot create anything if you don’t know what it is that are you creating. Pick one area. And ask yourself: What do I really want? Define it. Then decide that you are going to go all in on yourself. Decide that you are worthy and have what it takes to make it happen. Decide that you won’t give up.
roadblock #2: Focusing on the past
What story do you have about your past? Is it something like…” I’m not good enough, I always make mistakes, I never have money, I am always overweight.” If this is you, then pay attention.
When we look to the past to define ourselves, we just create more of the same. It is very natural to instinctively define ourselves by what has already happened. In fact, the mind loves to make decisions from the past because it is safe and predictable.
However, if you keep telling yourself the same things, feeling the same feelings, and repeating the same actions, you will just keep creating the same life, over and over. And this isn’t a problem – if you want to keep things the way they are. But if you want to change, you are going to have to shift your focus in another direction. You will have to decide and become exactly who you want to be – based on the future, which is wide open, and full of endless possibilities.
Try this instead: FOCUS ON who YOU ARE BECOMING
Turn your mind towards the future and what is possible. This will require using your imagination and creativity. Research shows that visualization produces changes in our brain in the form of new neurological pathways that alter our brain to resemble your brain in the future. In other words, the brain thinks the future has already arrived, and will behave as though your wildest dreams have already come true.
Try this. Close your eyes and envision that you have achieved your biggest goal. What would it be like? Who are you? What is the same and what is different? How are you feeling? What are you saying and doing?
The key to creating the results you want is to act and live from that place starting now. You need to become that person ahead of time.
Focus on each small step, one little thought, one little action, at a time. With each decision, ask yourself – who do I want to be? Show up as your future self now.
For example, suppose I have a goal of becoming physical fit and strong. When I visualize myself having reached this goal, I see myself as a woman who exercises every day. Who nourishes her body with healthy food choices. Who makes sure she gets enough sleep. I imagine what I would be thinking, feeling, saying to myself. And then I focus on BEING this version of myself starting NOW. When I act from this place, I create the future result I most want.
roadblock #3: You are focused on the long path to the goal
When striving for a goal, many times we make the mistake of focusing on the goal that we have not yet reached - how far we have left to go, and how long it is going to take to get there. And this can easily lead to a discouragement spiral. You may notice thoughts like:
It seems so far away
It seems impossible
It is way too late in the game for me
I don’t know how I am going to manage all of this
This is going to take way too long
These types of thoughts will lead to feelings of SCARCITY and lack. Focusing on the sheer size of the mountain you must climb can seem overwhelming. So don’t focus on the gap, or the space between where you are and where you want to go.
Try this instead: CELEBRATE THE wins
Changing your life is about the small steps that accumulate over time and lead to substantial changes. It is about making intentional choices. Noticing how far you have come is hugely motivating and will help keep you on track as you progress towards your goals.
Recognize each step and keep track of every single win, no matter how small it seems. This provides evidence for your brain to use in support of future possibility. Don’t save the celebration for the end when you meet your goal. Celebrate yourself along the way. Find the cheerleaders in your life and share your successes. This will increase your motivation and excitement for the future.
roadblock #4 LETTING SETBACKS derail YOUR PLANS
The road to success is lined with challenges. And when we are learning something new, or striving towards a goal, failure is going to be part of the process.
Despite this, failure is something that most people don’t want to experience. For a lot of us, it feels terrible. And it feels terrible because of what we make it mean about ourselves. We make it mean that something has gone wrong. That we aren’t cut out for this. That what we want isn’t possible.
In an attempt to avoid making mistakes, we keep our expectations of ourselves low. We don’t put ourselves out there. We keep recycling the same life. We stay in our comfort zone.
And when we make mistakes, we think that beating ourselves up, or shaming ourselves, will push us into action. It never works.
Try this instead: embrace THE CHALLENGES
Whenever I set a goal for myself, I expect it to be hard. Many of us want to change something, but we want it to be easy. And so, when it gets more difficult than we think it should be, we use that as an excuse to give up. We make it means that something has gone wrong.
Embrace the challenges along the way -the setbacks, the failures, the slip ups. This is all part of the process. Plan for obstacles. Plan to have days where you don’t want to keep going.
Use challenges as opportunities to build resilience, confidence, and not as a reason to beat yourself up. If you have a setback, you get to decide what to make that mean.
Anything you want can be yours. It is all possible.
You will create your own reality, so be sure to DECIDE with intention, what it is that you want. Claim it and go all in on yourself.
Instead of focusing heavily on the outcome, focus on becoming who you want to be with each action, each decision. Practice showing up as your new self, and eventually, you will become her.
Dream and keep working towards your goals from the future.
Celebrate the wins, no matter how small. And lastly, expect and embrace challenges. Use them to become more of the person you want to be. Don’t give up on yourself.
